Category Archives: Completely Different

Putin Joke

Predictable punch line, but still funny:

Putin dies and ends up in hell. After a few years, the devil calls him in and tells him that he is being paroled back to Moscow for good behavior. Putin arrives in Moscow and goes to his favorite bar and orders a small pitcher of vodka. He starts talking to the bartender. “I’ve been away for a long time, Tovarisch, and I have been out of touch. Do we still hold Crimea?” “Yes,” the bartender replies. “How about the Donbas?” “That, too,” says the bartender. Putin is hesitant to ask, but he jumps in the deep end, “Do we have Kyiv?” “Yes, we have Kyiv.” “That’s wonderful!” says Putin and pulls out his money to pay for his drink. “What’s that?” asks the bartender. “Ten rubles,” says Putin, “eight for the drink and two for you.” “Rubles? We haven’t used rubles for years. The price is ten Euros.”

Posted in Completely Different, Ukraine | 1 Comment

Top Ten Signs You Might be at a Republican Seder

Matzoh

© 2009 David R. Tribble, Licensed via CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons.

10. They refuse to answer the four questions without a subpoena.
9. They demand a recount of the ten plagues.
8. They defend not increasing the minimum wage on the grounds that according to Chad Gadya it still costs only two zuzzimto buy a goat.
7. The afikomen is hidden in the Caymen Islands.
6. They refuse to open the door for Elijah until they see his immigration papers.
5. They attack Moses for negotiating a deal with Pharoah because why would we negotiate with our enemies?
4. They don’t understand why the Egyptians didn’t cure the plagues with hydroxychloroquine.
3. They omit the parts about slavery from the Haggadah because it reminds them of Critical Race Theory.
2. They keep saying “when do we get to the miracle of the Jewish space lasers?”
And the number one sign that you might be at a Republican seder:
1. They end the seder by singing “Next year in Mar-a-Lago.”

Stolen from Digby, which itself offers an appropriately tangled pedigree.

Update:Steve Sheffey wrote me to claim authorship, and to say he has a newsletter.

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Joke Making the Rounds

A lawyer, a TV star, and a war hero walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “What can I get you, President Zelensky?”

Posted in Completely Different | 1 Comment

It’s Hot Here

One of the finalists in this week’s New Yorker cartoon caption contest is close to the bone:

“I know how you feel. This used to be Florida.”
Michael Migliaccio, Croton-on-Hudson, N.Y.

Posted in Completely Different, Florida | 3 Comments

Pros and Cons of Mandatory COVID Vaccination Rules

America’s Finest News Source investigates and offers this list:

Pros

  • Fake vaccination cards very lucrative business opportunity
  • Good way to keep HR department busy for a few months
  • Would saves millions of innocent profits
  • Always fun to piss off Eric Clapton
  • Surely there’s at least some benefit in taking rudimentary public health measures

Cons

  • Cruise ships more exciting when there a public health threat on board
  • Could cripple America’s burgeoning ventilator industry
  • Just came up with new argument about how this is related to Holocaust
  • Waste of perfectly good needles intended for intravenous opiate use
  • Violates deeply held American values of recklessly endangering others

I suppose we could add some items, but it’s a start.

Needle photo ©torange.biz and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License Creative Commons License .

Posted in Completely Different, COVID-19 | 29 Comments

Gotta Love It

Those federal judges on the Southern District of Texas have a sense of humor — and a couple of them can really belt it out:

Posted in Completely Different, Law: Everything Else | 1 Comment