Category Archives: Completely Different

Quick Fix?

Andy Borowitz, Experts Believe the Coronavirus Could Be Defeated with the Twenty-fifth Amendment.

Sounds plausible to me.

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For Your Zoom Seder

Making the rounds (wish I knew the original author, I’d credit…Update According to the comment below, this is by Rabbi Richard Hirsh, of Bryn Mawr, PA):

The Torah Speaks of Four Kinds of People Who Use Zoom:

The Wise
The Wicked
The Simple
The One Who Does Not Know How to “Mute”

The Wise Person says: “I’ll handle the Admin Feature Controls and Chat Rooms, and forward the Cloud Recording Transcript after the call.”

The Wicked Person says: “Since I have unlimited duration, I scheduled the meeting for six hours—as it says in the Haggadah, whoever prolongs the telling of the story, harei zeh ‘shubah, is praiseworthy.”

The Simple Person says: “Hello? Am I on? I can hear you but I can’t see you.”
[Jerusalem Talmud reads here: “I can see you, but I can’t hear you.”]

The One Who Does Not Know How to Mute says: “How should I know where you put the keys? I’m stuck on this stupid Zoom call.”

To the Wise Person you should offer all of the Zoom Pro Optional Add-On Plans.

To the Wicked Person you should say: “Had you been in charge, we would still be in Egypt.”

To the Simple Person you should say: “Try the call-in number instead.”

To the One Who Does Not Know How to Mute you should say: “Why should this night be different from all other nights?”

You can find an all-too-serious discussion of a Zoom (pre) Seder here but it will take you over an hour to listen to all of it.

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I Can Call Spirits from the Vasty Deep

Apparently this is making the rounds in France:

*Un avis de l’Association des psychiatres: *

* Chers citoyens: *

* Pendant la période QUARANTAINE, il est considéré comme normal de parler à vos murs, plantes et pots. Veuillez nous contacter uniquement s’ils répondent.

Which translates more or less to:

* Notice from the National Psychiatric Association: *

* Dear citizens: *

* During this period of QUARANTINE, it is considered normal to talk to your walls, plants and pots. Please contact us only if they reply.

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Who Knew?

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Wait for It…

Times may be tough, but at least we have The Onion’s biting headlines:

…and my current favorite…

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Overheard at Work

Heard from my office – no idea who the speakers were.

Voice1: “This printer must be Jamaican.”

Voice2: “What?”

Voice1: “It’s always jammin!”

Certainly offers a whole new world of meanings to rasterizing

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