Tuesday Sears Update: Important Information About Your Treadmill

I really wasn’t going to blog about the treadmill today. Enough already. Maybe too much. But then, this evening, the third thing happened.

The first thing was that the phone rang at 8:04am just like it did yesterday, instructing me that I had to call to reschedule delivery of my treadmill. I didn’t bother. (But I’m betting they call at 8:04 am tomorrow and wake me up on Yom Kippur.)

The second thing was that when I got into the office there was a message from “Stephanie” at the Sears executive offices, who wanted to talk to me about my “treadmill experience”. This although the problem with my treadmill experience is of course that I have not in fact had any opportunity to experience the F80 treadmill. I called right back and identified myself, name, order number, zip code, address, and Steffane found my record. “This shows as complete” she said. I started laughing.

Eventually we got that sorted out — there is no treadmill here. None. Nada. Ziltch. And Stephanie agreed that it “looks like it needs to be reordered”. But it is on backorder, so they can’t do that now. I explained my fear that my model is gone, and they are bringing in a new model, and that as a result I may be on hold forever. Stephanie seemed to grasp that point, and suggested that maybe I should pay the difference for the newer version of the F80. I suggested as how since Sears had taken my money and promised me a brand new, not damaged, F80, that is what they should deliver. We left it that Stephanie would research the matter, which I took to mean calling around trying to find one of the old ones to send me. And if that didn’t work, getting permission to offer me something or other. There were three F80s in Aventura yesterday according to the web site, and they’re still there today, so maybe that isn’t it, I don’t know. Anyway, I was content to leave it in Stephanie’s hands for a few days, and see what she cooked up.

But when I got home and picked up the mail, we got to part three. The outside of the envelope announced the topic clearly:

I really had no idea what to expect, but I sure didn’t expect this:

Let’s deconstruct the key parts of this, shall we?

“Your new Treadmill is running beautifully. So why take chances down the road?”

Well, if it’s running, it’s running away from here.

Did you know we can also help protect it against future breakdowns?

How about past breakdowns — like when you guys dropped it in the warehouse?

A Master Protection Agreement gives you comprehensive benefits you can count on – nothing else comes close.

Want to know what else has only come close? The treadmill.

Doesn’t your Treadmill deserve all the coverage a Master Protection Agreement provides?

I’d like to get it covered by my roof first.

■ Product replacement if your Treadmill cannot be fixed

Well, right now it can’t be fixed — it can’t even be found. So could I have a new one please?

■ Troubleshooting help over the phone – call for non-technical assistance** or to schedule a service appointment

I just can’t wait to schedule more appointments with Sears!!! Maybe that is why they call it “assistance**”?

Why take chances when you can enjoy your Treadmill worry-free

I am finding it strangely hard to enjoy my treadmill, worries or not.

No surprises.

Actually, I found this letter pretty surprising.

[Update: Next installment at On the Treadmill Treadmill]

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4 Responses to Tuesday Sears Update: Important Information About Your Treadmill

  1. Peter Lederer says:

    So that sent me to Wikiquotes, for I thought the phrase I was looking for was from Euripedes (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Euripides). But there, it is argued that what I was searching for was wrongfully attributed to him:
    “Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad.”
    “Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is “quoted as a “heathen proverb” in Daniel, a Model for Young Men (1854) by William “Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several “variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. [Cites omitted]”

    Is Sears involved in a dastardly deed? Caution, Michael, caution!

  2. Vic says:

    See, you can be funny when you want to be. Maybe you need to get all worked up first!

    I feel your pain. But you still have the power in all this (believe it or not). Companies can’t afford to treat customers badly as a rule. Use your power wisely and you’ll get what you want, plus some. Just don’t approach it like a lawyer (that really only works in Court).

  3. Emma Green says:

    The fact that your record showed that your order was complete is such a joke, and so is the letter that you got in the mail, which is obviously only supposed to be sent after a successful treadmill pick up or delivery! I can’t wait to see how this unfolds and what Sears does to rectify the situation! As of right now they seem to just be digging themselves into a deeper hole…

    Also thanks for visiting my blog. The Treadmill Review Guru stopped by and answered your question on there before I had a chance to respond, but he gave good advice! Best of luck!

  4. Cathy says:

    At this point, it’s pretty clear embarrassing them over the web is not getting the desired result. Perhaps it is time to start calling consumer reporters at the local tv stations. If you’ll pardon my being crass, I would imagine the “needing it delivered because you can’t carry it up the stairs and put it together yourself due to your heart attack” pat would be just the sort of hook the tv stations would love.

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