Don’t Even Think About It

Via Concurring Opinions, this marvelous piece of refried boilerplate from the AALS Section on Contracts:

IMPORTANT SMALL PRINT LEGAL DISCLAIMER

This web site is a forum for the exchange of information and points of view. Opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the Section on Contracts or of the Association of American Law Schools, which when you think about it are really only reified abstractions that have no independent existence and therefore can’t really have any “opinions” about anything at all, so we’re not sure why we have to say this. All statements herein are the sole responsibility of the authors, except for any that are inaccurate, irresponsible, tasteless, or actionable, which are solely the responsibility of student editorial assistants who are working as independent contractors and for whom we will accept absolutely no responsibility whatsoever. There are no warranties, either express or implied, for the use of this site. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice, since only an idiot would take free legal advice on an important issue from the casual musings of a law professor instead of paying a practicing lawyer who actually knows the law of the jurisdiction you’re in. Any disputes arising as a result of your use of this site shall be decided by arbitration under the rules of the International Chamber of Commerce in Japan, unless you happen to be somewhere in or near Japan, in which case it shall be decided in Belgium. Your reading of this provision signifies your assent to all its terms.

Perhaps this is a good time to refer readers to my own personal web site disclaimer? (Reprinted below for your convenience.)

DISCLAIMERS:

  • This product is meant for educational purposes only.
  • Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
  • Sell before date stamped on carton.
  • Do not purchase if seal has been tampered with.
  • Contents under pressure.
  • Void where prohibited or taxed.
  • Some assembly required.
  • List each check separately by bank number.
  • Batteries not included.
  • Some settling of contents may occur during shipping.
  • Use only as directed.
  • No other warranty expressed or implied.
  • Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
  • Postage will be paid by addressee.
  • Subject to CAB approval.
  • This is not an offer to sell securities.
  • Apply only to affected area.
  • May be too intense for some viewers.
  • Do not stamp.
  • Use other side for additional listings.
  • For recreational use only.
  • Do not disturb.
  • All models over 18 years of age.
  • If condition persists, consult your physician.
  • No user-serviceable parts inside.
  • Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
  • Times approximate.
  • Simulated picture.
  • No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
  • Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
  • For off-road use only.
  • As seen on TV.
  • One size fits all.
  • Many suitcases look alike.
  • Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
  • Colors may, in time, fade.
  • We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you.
  • Slippery when wet.
  • Parental guidance suggested.
  • Do not bend, fold, spindle, or mutilate.
  • We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
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  • For office use only.
  • Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.
  • Drop in any mailbox.
  • Edited for television.
  • Keep cool; process promptly.
  • For sale by prescription only.
  • Post office will not deliver without postage.
  • Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
  • Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
  • At participating locations only.
  • Not the Beatles, just an incredible simulation.
  • Penalty for private use.
  • See label for sequence.
  • Your mileage may vary.
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  • Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
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  • Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
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  • Items sold separately.
  • Slightly higher in California.
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  • Approved for veterans.
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  • Booths for two or more.
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  • No Canadian coins.
  • Not recommended for children.
  • Prerecorded for this time zone.
  • Reproduction strictly prohibited.
  • Do not immerse.
  • No solicitors.
  • No alcohol, dogs, or horses.
  • Restaurant package, not for resale.
  • List at least two alternate dates.
  • First pull up, then pull down.
  • Call toll free before digging.
  • Driver does not carry cash.
  • Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.
  • Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
  • No bills over $20 accepted.
  • Price does not include taxes, title, destination charges, or dealer prep.
  • No pepper games.
  • This is not a competition, it is only an exhibition.
  • No wagering.
  • An equal opportunity employer.
  • List was current at time of printing.
  • This supersedes all previous notices.
  • This information is subject to change without notice.
  • All rights reserved.
This entry was posted in Completely Different, Law: Everything Else. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Don’t Even Think About It

  1. Fred Schmertz says:

    Shouldn’t item #97 (First pull up, then pull down) read: “First pull down, then tear up”?

  2. Linkmeister says:

    My mother the retired librarian will appreciate that.

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