There’s a Story Here Somewhere

These two emails were sent about two hours and twenty minutes apart. I could have endured a little bit more explanation in the second one.

Email #1:

from UM Police

DO NOT REPLY TO THIS E-MAIL

 

 

umcops.jpg

Crime Alert

CORAL GABLES CAMPUS

September 2, 2010

 

On September 2, 2010 at approximately 1:15 P.M. two black males attempted to rob the Sbarro’s at the University Center, 1306 Stanford Drive.  No weapons were displayed.  The subject fled without any property. 

 

Subject 1:  RACE:  B            SEX:  M          AGE:  Early 20’s.

WEIGHT:  6′ 0’     HEIGHT:  190                        EYES:  Brown   HAIR: Black

Last Seen Wearing: Black T-shirt, White shorts with dark blue stripe and light blue trim, black sock and white sneakers.

 

Subject 2: Race:  B   SEX:  M          AGE:  Early 20’s

WEIGHT:  5’8″      HEIGHT:  140                        EYES:  Brown   HAIR: Black

Last Seen Wearing:  Black cap, black tank top shirt, long dark shorts, black sneakers with light blue trim.

UMcops2.jpgUMcops3.jpg

 

– Report all emergencies immediately by calling 911.

– Report all suspicious activity immediately by calling (305) 284-6666.

– To request a UM Police safety escort, call 305-284-6666 or use any blue light telephone.

– Visit the UMPD website for personal safety information.

– Visit the UMPD website for more information on self-defense programs.

 

www.miami.edu/police

 

Post this alert as necessary to keep our community informed.

 


Email #2:

from UM Police

Do not reply to this message

 

 

 

umcops.jpg

Crime Alert Update

 

CORAL GABLES CAMPUS

September 2, 2010

 

Police investigation of the robbery attempt at the University Center Sbarro’s at approximately 1:15 p.m. on September 2, 2010 has resulted in the identification of the subjects.  It has been determined that no crime has been committed.

 

Also note that due to a listserv issue a previous crime alert dated April 20, 2010 was sent in error.  Please disregard that message.

 

 

– Report all emergencies immediately by calling 911.

– Report all suspicious activity immediately by calling (305) 284-6666.

– To request a UM Police safety escort, call 305-284-6666 or use any blue light telephone.

– Visit the UMPD website for personal safety information.

– Visit the UMPD website for more information on self-defense programs.

 

www.miami.edu/police

 

Post this alert as necessary to keep our community informed.

 

 

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3 Responses to There’s a Story Here Somewhere

  1. Joe1 says:

    They look too healthy to be Sbarro customers. Must have been a mistake.

  2. Chuck says:

    [ And a slight wave of the hand ]
    “These are not the suspects you are looking for.”
    “Please go on about your business.”

  3. Just me says:

    These gentlemen (they look like tall children to me) were very suspicious indeed. Can’t you see that the taller on has a red bottle with a silver label in his hand in one picture, but in the other picture he has a green bottle!?!

    Obviously he: 1) requires extra hydration to perpetrate his heinous crimes (heinous is pronounced high-A-nous in the style of the prosecutor from My Cousin Vinny); 2) is addicted to the stimulants in those sports drinks and has a fiendish need to consume them; or 3) brazenly sports beverages all over campus (it’s your choice which of these is applicable). On this evidence alone, the campus police was more than justified in sending out an email blast with the “suspects’” pictures implicating them in a crime in which admittedly no weapons were displayed, and no property was taken.

    LOL. Give me a break.

    Michael, I wonder whether you can work this into your interview on photography and public recording.

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