Breaking: McCain Replaces Palin on Ticket

According to, Senator McCain has asked Gov. Palin to leave the ticket and replaced her with Debra J. Fields.

Here's the announcement (minus the illustrations — go visit the site to get the full flavor of the announcement):

My Fellow Americans,

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I have asked Sarah Palin to step down as my running mate and as the Republican Party candidate for Vice President. As a devoted Republican, as someone believing fervently in our cause, Sarah Palin will continue to campaign vigorously on my behalf.

In the days and weeks ahead the media will focus upon the reasons why I made this incredibly difficult but necessary decision.

But as others focus on the past, I will be looking forward and onward to the all-important task before me: showing America that I am indeed still the recipe for success for our country in these difficult and trying times.

For even when the chips are down and we've been battered about, we can rise up.

And rise we will, together with one voice, as we announce to the world the esteemed individual who will now join me on our ticket as Vice President for the Republican Party. For she is truly a beloved American. She is a mother, an incredibly successful business woman and an unswerving philanthropist.

She is the American dream made real.

And in this time of great need for our party, when asked … her answer was a loud and unequivocal “Yes!”

So, please join me with a deep and heartfelt welcome to our Vice Presidential nominee for the Republican Party, Mrs. Debra J. Fields.

McCain's new VP is Debbi Fields, aka Mrs. Fields

From her humble but determined beginnings at the age of 20, “Mrs. Fields” (as she is lovingly known throughout America and the world) took a meager investment and turned it into a $500 million company. She knows business. She knows the economy. And with ten children (five from her first marriage and five stepchildren), this working mom knows a thing or two about families.

Her personal mottos of “Good enough never is” and “The biggest failure in life is never trying,” show us that Debbi Fields brings to this ticket the authenticity and freshness America is craving today.

McCain – Fields, the Republican Presidential ticket for 2008

I invite you to take this opportunity to learn about Debbi Fields – all she has done and all she has to offer America – by reading her biography at

We know that we now have real challenges ahead in this campaign. But with Debbi Fields' motto closely at heart, we will also know that “Good enough never is” …

… and we will rise above.

Together, as Americans.

With The Firmest Resolve,

John McCain

I'll have to chew this over before I decide what to make of it.

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8 Responses to Breaking: McCain Replaces Palin on Ticket

  1. Joe1 says:

    Since my chocolate chip (with a touch of cinnamon) cookies taste better than Mrs. Fields’ cookies, I’ll hold my vote for something with more value.

  2. Ereshkigal says:

    McCain must have a big chip on his shoulder.

    His new running mate should be righteously offended by sexist references to her as “cupcake”, but not by reasonable references of “cookie”.

  3. Clearly a spoof.

    Look at the McCain schedule on the left: Learn to skit the internet, learn to program VCR, switch to Depends.

  4. LACJ says:

    No Hablo Espanol!!

  5. Kat says:

    I hear she’ll give you her recipe for 250.

  6. Michael says:

    Judging from a volume of (touchingly concerned and polite) email, I gather my dry humor was lost on some. I’m a bit sad to see so many readers had a Field day. They seem to think I am half-baked and waaay out in left Field.

    But that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I’ll keep chipping away nonetheless.

    Or, as Homer would sorta say, “Dough”.

  7. Richard Loring says:

    Your comments are nearly as funny as the web site. Did you see the “McCain-Mart” store page … with its “Vote McCain Walker Signs” that fit every walker, even “George WALKER Bush”?!

    Or the mock TV ad of Wilford Brimley “endorsing” McCain? That’s a hoot.

    And on a serious side, I think the “McCain Blog,” with its real video of McCain discussing his (lack of) computer use and the “Foul Talk Express” page with real McCain quotes speak volumes…

    As the Mrs. Fields press release states, this time McCain is being “battered” about, indeed!

  8. I got my hopes up when I read that headline. If only it were true that the Palin train-wreck was replaced.

Comments are closed.