I Hope He’s Exaggerating

Here’s how one local anonymous lawyer-blogger sees the Jeb Bush administration’s approach to state judicial appointments:

WANTED: ONE APPELLATE COURT JUDGE.

QUALIFICATIONS: MEMBER OF THE BAR. REPUBLICAN OR TO THE RIGHT OF REPUBLICAN. Cannot have practiced criminal defense law. Cannot have ever said anything nice about a criminal defense attorney or a defendant.

The ideal applicant will be a Judge who has never granted a motion to suppress, a JOA, or sentenced a Defendant to anything under the top of the guidelines. Having never granted a motion for a defense continuance is a plus.

Must work well with Judge Rothenberg and be willing to overlook, ignore, or explain away at least eight of the first ten amendments to the Constitution.

Legal research skills must be limited to the late 1700’s case law, as only those candidates that promise to apply only the original intent of the framers will be considered, especially in cases involving the internet, computers, telecommunications, or searches of automobiles.

Membership in organizations that espouse the belief that the United States Of America is a Christian Country, and that separation of church and state is an outmoded concept will receive a favorable and expedited review.

Democrats, people who read books other than the Bible, and defense attorneys need not apply.

Pay flexible based on experience.
Ask about our “per curiam affirmed” bonus program for criminal appeals!!!!

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