Ouch

Painfully true jokes via Daily Kos:

The White House announced that the public would not be allowed to see the memos produced by John Roberts when he represented the United States government as a lawyer. They say this is because of the attorney-client privilege. Here’s the part I don’t understand: he represented the United States, we’re the client, he’s our lawyer. Shouldn’t we be allowed see our own notes?”
–Jay Leno

“North Korea is making several demands in exchange for giving up their nuclear program, including a promise from America not to attack them. Which is a little strange because for us to attack them we would have to have `slam dunk’ proof that they have weapons of mass destruction. I mean, for Gods sakes people, we’re not maniacs. It would have to be an air-tight case. We wouldn’t just come in there and start bombing you…”
–Jon Stewart

“It was so hot down in Florida Jeb Bush was rigging ice machines.”
–David Letterman

“The White House dropped the phrase `war on terror’ when polls showed no one thought we were winning it. They think they know how to make it more popular. They’re going to stop calling it `war on terror’ and start calling it `Shrek 3.'”
–Argus Hamilton, comedian and columnist (Via Time magazine)

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