While I was in the UK last month, my friend Adrian challenged me to come up with a Canadian joke. I failed. He apparently collects them for some unfathomable reason, perhaps because they are rare. If any readers have some to contribute, I'm sure he'd be grateful.
Meanwhile, here's a sample from Adrian's collection:
Q: How do you get 20 teenage Canadian boys to get out of a swimming pool?
A: Stand by the edge of the pool and say, “Time to get out of the pool, boys.”
I doubt that he doesn’t know this one, but there was a Canadian magazine that had a contest a few years ago to come up with a Canadian analogue to “as American as apple pie.” The winner was “as Canadian as possible under the circumstances.”
Have you heard about the big jazz hit up in Canada?
“Take the Train, eh?”
An American, a Moroccan, and a Canadian walk into a bar. The American orders a glass of whisky; when he’s finished drinking it, he pulls out a pistol, throws the glass in the air, and shoots it. He sets the pistol down on the table and looks around. Everyone in the bar is speechless. The American sniggers and says, “In my country we have so much money that we can buy new glasses any time we want. One more or less doesn’t matter.” Now the Moroccan orders a whisky; when he’s finished, he takes the pistol off the table, throws the glass in the air, and shoots it. Then he says, “In my country, we have so much sand that we can make new glasses any time we want. One more or less doesn’t matter.” He sets the pistol back down on the table. Finally the Canadian orders a whisky; after he’s finished drinking it, he picks up the pistol and shoots the American. Then he says, “In my country, we have so many Americans that one more or less doesn’t matter.”
It’s funnier when a Canadian tells it. Trust me.
Back home we always used to make jokes about how cheap things in Canada were because of how low the value of their currency was. We can’t make those jokes anymore so I’m all out of material. Other than maybe: How worthless is the Canadian dollar? So worthless you can use it to buy an American dollar.
Better still: Canadian jokes at President Bush’s expense:
A google (the .ca version) turned up 702,000 (I dunno if that’s exact or rounded off, which would be a typically Canadian thing to do as we all build and live in igloos) http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&edition=ca&q=Canadian+joke&meta= hits for “Canadian joke”. Who knew the world was laughing at us? I thought that was the US’s position. Oh sorry, that’s the country everyone is afraid of. Well, we do laugh at them anyway.
Note that Dubya is visiting Canada today, he won’t, unlike most other US presidents, address Parliament as there was probably well-founded concern about http://www.thehilltimes.ca/html/index.php?display=story&full_path=/2004/november/29/bush/&c=1 heckling. One poll I saw said we’d have elected Kerry with about 75% of the vote which is approximately what other country’s polls also showed. Who knows, mebbe Bush just can’t spell http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/content_objectid=13631331_method=full_siteid=50143_headline=-BUSH-PULLS-OUT-OF-SPEECH-TO-MPS-name_page.html parliament. Oh well, he has nowhere to http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=582&e=6&u=/nm/20041129/wr_nm/science_canada_surveillance_dc hide. As I write this there are thousands of Canadians protesting the Bush visit in the streets. They’re about to topple a golden Bush Saddam-like statue in Vancouver. And we’re universally reviled for being such pleasant, friendly people. Be careful world, it only takes a second to change “eh” to “feh”.
Oh, a joke, sorry, got off on a rant. I grew up in what the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) called the most polluted city in North America, Flin Flon, Manitoba. You’ll get a better take on it http://www.cityofflinflon.com/index-frameset.html here. The CBC ran a contest many years ago (true story), first prize was a week in Flin Flon, second prize was two weeks in Flin Flon, third prize was a month in Flin Flon. -g
One year the north american anarchist gathering was held in toronto.
We were told to look for a black square of fabric with a tim horton’s donut.
We found the place, and somebody asked.
It’s a black flag with a circle, eh?
Q: What does a Canadian say when you step on his foot?
Best sign reported today at the anti-Bush protests in Ottawa: “Please Leave”
I told a couple of these to my wife and then challenged her to come up with a Canadian joke too. Quick as a flash:
Q: How many Canadians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
She’s a pistol!
How many candanadians does it take to say “Sorrrrry”???????
how many newfoundlanders does it take to catch a moose
A: 45 the whole tribe puts in effort
How many moose does it take to herp a derp?
A: A canadian