Truer Than Truth

There's something you've gotta love about this sort of inaccurate but fundamentally true coverage. In this case it happens to be of an industry press conference, but the method surely has other uses.

Lexmark takes wrap off user friendly printers: Fearlessly breaking the mold of IT marketing, the printing giant boldly commissioned a study into consumer attitudes towards printers late last year. By an enormous slice of luck, the findings just happened to confirm all Lexmark’s prejudices about the printer market.

Lexmark CEO Paul Curlander introduced a morale sapping day of inconclusive speeches about printers to an audience of journalists from all over Europe and South Africa. Some presenters spoke in their second (or third) language, in a move to make already turgid material even more palatable to a jaded audience. Having lost the will to live by mid morning, The INQUIRER was unable to take note of the figures produced by this study, despite their enormous gravity. For the same reason, we neglected to write down the solutions to the continuing challenge of making printers more user friendly.

But here goes. The printer market is going to be worth seventy quadrabezillion dollars, according to our memory of this event. Lexmark's projected growth could be as much as 116.9 per cent every quarter, or something, we seem to remember someone saying. In a near future timeframe, we may or may not see a day when printers can obey voice commands, such as 'Just fsking print will you' and 'no I don't want fsking letter paper. But in the meantime we'll continue to be confused by a bewildering array of features we'll never use and instructions only a seasoned photocopy engineer could understand.

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