Surviving Miami Cop Stops

The Justice Building Blog's “Rumpole” had a satiric posting the other day about how to survive Miami cop stops:

When Stopped by a Metro Dade Police Officer, it is recommended to fold the fifty behind the license and place the thumb over the money and the forefinger over the license. Hand the license to the officer and discretely slide the currency into the officer’s palm. Those of you that have been to Joes and not waited long for a table know how to do it.

When stopped by the City Of Miami or Miami Beach, it is appropriate to immediately advise the officer of any special medical conditions so that they may beat you in a manner that does not aggravate the injury. The City of Miami Beach specifically recommends that you place your wallet in your hand and curl into a fetal position. When the “appropriate amount of force necessary to subdue the unruly motorist” has been applied, Miami Beach requests that the payment to the officer be proffered prior to the arrival of Fire Rescue.

Hialeah and many departments in Broward like to taser their drivers as a way of “warming up” the parties, however quick thinking motorists can negotiate a lower voltage with a private chat with the officer before the taser is used.

Here are a few other “Do’s” and “Don’ts”:

Do: alert the office to any unusually large amount of drugs or money in the car.

Don’t: offer to split the dope with the cop.

Do: Comment on the professionalism and courtesy the officer exhibits when you are pulled over.

Don’t: mention Rodey King, Arthur McDuffie, Officer Lozano, Johnny Cochran, or any type of Ticket Clinic.

I wasn't going to blog it until I saw the story in today's Miami Herald, Mayor's former in-law: Cops clobbered me,

Harry Castro, former brother-in-law of Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez, said Miami-Dade cops beat him up early Easter morning — in an apparent case of mistaken identity.

Police ordered Castro out of the Mercedes at gunpoint. Castro was trying to unbuckle his seat belt when officers yanked him from the car and slapped on handcuffs.

''They started beating the hell out of him,'' [his lawyer] said. “They kicked him in the side. They kicked him in the head. His face is completely swollen, one eye is black and blue and purple and almost completely swollen shut. There's road rash all over his face.''

So maybe Rumpole wasn't kidding?

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One Response to Surviving Miami Cop Stops

  1. aidan says:

    Interesting you should post on this topic. A Canadian student who was down in Florida earlier this month ran a light, I believe by accident. She was ARRESTED, taken to JAIL, made to change into prison garb – then put in a cell with two other women. In the name of God – the woman accidentally ran a light and nobody was injured. She wasn’t armed or in possession of drugs. Just a student down there to celebrate her graduation. She may however have neglected the artfully folded fifty. A Cali based associate told me recently he won’t drive in parts of Texas for fear of being pulled over for an “old school beating”.

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