Yet More on Hurricanes and Divine Providence

Looks like I'm not the only one having fun with this. Jim Defede is the Miami Herald's best local muckraker, but he took a break from that to induldge in some speculation today:

The juice is loose — and it's windorific: Lately, I've begun to wonder if there were some sort of biblical implications to the recent storms. Red wine and reading Revelations by flashlight during a hurricane will have that effect on you.

“And the fifth angel sounded and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth; and to him was given the key to the bottomless pit. And he opened the bottomless pit and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace …''

When I read that section I recalled those fires on the western edge of the county two months ago and how the smoke billowed across the whole county.

“And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth …''

Come on people — mosquitoes carrying West Nile virus?

And now four hurricanes.

“… Loose the four angels which are bound in the great river Euphrates. And the four angels were loosed … ''

REPENT NOW!

Hello! Don't most hurricanes come out of Africa? And isn't that where the Euphrates is located?

OK, let's be clear. I'm not saying that Hurricanes Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne are some version of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, but I'm not saying they aren't, either.

For a while I seriously considering slaughtering a lamb and smearing its blood over my doorway. But then I realized I was confusing my Old Testament with my New Testament.

Besides, where can you get a live lamb on short notice in this town? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure if I had the right connections I could score a really good sacrificial lamb easier than you can Dolphins tickets.

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5 Responses to Yet More on Hurricanes and Divine Providence

  1. John says:

    The Euphrates rises in Turkey and flows into the Persian Gulf.

    It runs right through the middle of Baghdad.

  2. Um, no it doesn’t. Its 50 kilometers away at least.

    But to really spook you out, check your Zechariah. 6:1-8. The four horsemen are referred to in the King James as “spirits” of the heavens, but the words winds or breaths would easily substitute, and have been.

    Seriously, tho, while most of the “lamb” references in revelations are nods to J.C., I’m pretty sure The Butcher Shop at 14235 S. Dixie should have lamb…do me a favor and swing by the main office and put some blood on my official transcript, that should do it.

  3. Mojo says:

    I’m sure if I had the right connections I could score a really good sacrificial lamb easier than you can Dolphins tickets.
    The way they’re playing this year, I’m not sure there’s that much of a difference.

  4. Yeah, after yesterday, the right connection for Dolphin tickets is clearly whatever demon from hell is in charge of the greater Pittsburgh area…

  5. Mount St. Helens is rumbling to life out here, warning OR & WA residents not to vote for Bush.

    Now I’m waiting for plagues of locusts to warn Missouri, Iowa and Ohio.

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