UM Opens a New Online Store

I'm prepared to posit that the UM Police are wonderful folk, but even so I do find this University of Miami Police Store a bit weird.

Who. for example is the target market for a garish UM Police coin?

Coin-Front.JPGCoin-Back.JPG

Stamped 1.75 inch hard enamel brass coin; 4 colors on the front, 5 colors on the back, gold plated, sandblasted, comes with individual soft plastic pouch.

Cost: $12.00 each [Plus $4.95 shipping]

A real stocking-stuffer.

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14 Responses to UM Opens a New Online Store

  1. Just me says:

    odd, but funny. btw…I just discovered http://www.lettersofnote.com/ If you (and your readers) haven’t seen it yet, you might enjoy it. My favorites are:

    http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/09/okay-you-lazy-bitch.html (not for the innocent or easily offended)

    http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/10/word-god-is-product-of-human-weakness.html (a letter written by Einstein)

    and

    http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/10/i-was-ready-to-sink-into-earth-with.html (a form letter from 9th century China apologizing for drunkenness)

  2. Give that Ibis a monocle.

    “Hogaaaaaan!”

  3. This is weird says:

    I find the whole University of Miami Police Department a bit weird. How on earth does a private institution get its own police department? Can I get one too, or better yet get some blackwater types deputized? Are UM police officers actually police officers? If not aren’t they violating 790.053 fla. stat. and other laws?

  4. joe says:

    Who. for example is the target market for a garish UM Police coin?

    Michael,

    You’re charmingly naive about some things.

    This looks like a classic protection racket.

    Buy the overpriced trinket from the police charity—or get the ticket. Pay off the cops—or go to jail.

    Of course, at this point you don’t know whether the store managers can actually deliver on the protection. Or if they’re just small-time scammers. But it looks corrupt either way.

    It’s a classic racket.

  5. michael says:

    @joe – I thought of something that, but rejected it because the coin isn’t expensive enough. And who is going to carry 20 of those around just in case? Plus why would cops prefer those to cash? What would they do with them? It’s not as if the cops get the money.

    So, even if one assumes University Cops are Holmesian Bad People (something I have no reason to suspect), it still won’t fly.

    The idea that the online store knows who isn’t shopping there and would pass on the info won’t fly either. Maybe in 20 years….

  6. joe says:

    I thought of something that, but rejected it because the coin isn’t expensive enough.

    Small-time corruption is amazingly cheap.

    And these are the introductory prices.

    When you get stopped and frisked, the cop finds the coin or the keychain. That means you paid at the office…. Or the cop finds something else. Maybe a joint. Something. That’s just how the racket works. It really is a classic.

    Happens all over the world.

    You people in Miami aren’t special.

  7. Capt. Obvious says:

    It’s called a challenge coin. They are like trading cards for members of the military and police officers.

  8. Rhodo Zeb says:

    Where is the quid pro quo? This is for wanna-be’s.

    Its not like a FOP bumpersticker or anything, I would say. Besides, these are campus cops we are talking about.

  9. joe says:

    Where is the quid pro quo?

    Rhodo,

    Just try going into this business for yourself. That is, without paying off the cops for the use of their logo.

    In civilized jurisdictions, you’re looking at getting your head bashed in with billy-clubs. Then you’re going to be thrown in the tank for drunk-and-disorderly and resisting arrest. At the very least.

    You savvy “intellectual property”? It’s an unlicensed use of someone’s trademark. That’s against the law.

    You don’t get to use the cop logo without a cut for the boys in the department.

  10. michael says:

    I don’t get what Joe’s talking about. The store is run by UM. The cops work for UM. UM owns the logo (and the cops). No issue. You don’t need to license yourself to use what you own. And the site says the money goes to police work:

    Welcome to the University of Miami Police Department Store! All profits from the sale of official UMPD apparel is put back into community policing programs and inititatives to make the University of Miami community a safer, stronger, and more cohesive environment in which to learn and work.

  11. Vic says:

    It’s quite amusing to watch the Yalie and all of his non-military, never-a-police-officer friends try to understand a simple challange coin.

    Guess it’s just not sophisticated and nuanced like Jürgen Habermas and Niklas Luhmann.

  12. michael says:

    If the main market is the police officers in themselves why is this the first featured item in an online store which purports to be aimed at the general public? Are there really that many collectors?

    I hadn’t heard of Challenge Coins before this exchange. Once of the nice things about blogging is the gentle readers who teach me things.

  13. tarkeean says:

    ‘Now you must well listen,’ said the Babu when they were in the fresh air. ‘Part of these ceremonies which we witnessed they include supply of effeecient amulet to those of our Department. If you feel in your neck you will find one small silver amulet, verree cheap. That is ours. Do you understand?’

    ‘Oah yes, hawa-dilli [a heart-lifter],’ said Kim, feeling at his neck.

    ‘Huneefa she makes them for two rupees twelve annas with – oh, all sorts of exorcisms. They are quite common, except they are partially black enamel, and there is a paper inside each one full of names of local saints and such things. Thatt is Huneefa’s look-out, you see? Huneefa makes them onlee for us, but in case she does not, when we get them we put in, before issue, one small piece of turquoise. Mr Lurgan he gives them. There is no other source of supply; but it was me invented all this. It is strictly unoffeecial of course, but convenient for subordinates. Colonel Creighton he does not know. He is European. The turquoise is wrapped in the paper . . . Yes, that is road to railway station . . . Now suppose you go with the lama, or with me, I hope, some day, or with Mahbub. Suppose we get into a dam’-tight place. I am a fearful man – most fearful – but I tell you I have been in dam’-tight places more than hairs on my head. You say: “I am Son of the Charm.” Verree good.’

    ‘I do not understand quite. We must not be heard talking English here.’

    ‘That is all raight. I am only Babu showing off my English to you. All we Babus talk English to show off;’ said Hurree, flinging his shoulder-cloth jauntily. ‘As I was about to say, “Son of the Charm” means that you may be member of the Sat Bhai – the Seven Brothers, which is Hindi and Tantric. It is popularly supposed to be extinct Society, but I have written notes to show it is still extant. You see, it is all my invention. Verree good. Sat Bhai has many members, and perhaps before they jolly-well-cut-your-throat they may give you just a chance of life. That is useful, anyhow. And moreover, these foolish natives – if they are not too excited – they always stop to think before they kill a man who says he belongs to any speecific organization. You see? You say then when you are in tight place, “I am Son of the Charm”, and you get – perhaps – ah -your second wind. That is only in extreme instances, or to open negotiations with a stranger. Can you quite see? Verree good. But suppose now, I, or any one of the Department, come to you dressed quite different. You would not know me at all unless I choose, I bet you. Some day I will prove it. I come as Ladakhi trader – oh, anything – and I say to you: “You want to buy precious stones?” You say: “Do I look like a man who buys precious stones?” Then I say: “Even verree poor man can buy a turquoise or tarkeean.” ‘

    ‘That is kichree – vegetable curry,’ said Kim.

    ‘Of course it is. You say: “Let me see the tarkeean.” Then I say: “It was cooked by a woman, and perhaps it is bad for your caste.” Then you say: “There is no caste when men go to – look for tarkeean.” You stop a little between those words, “to – look”. That is thee whole secret. The little stop before the words.’

    Kim repeated the test-sentence.

    ‘That is all right. Then I will show you my turquoise if there is time, and then you know who I am, and then we exchange views and documents and those-all things. And so it is with any other man of us. We talk sometimes about turquoises and sometimes about tarkeean, but always with that little stop in the words. It is verree easy. First, “Son of the Charm”, if you are in a tight place. Perhaps that may help you – perhaps not. Then what I have told you about the tarkeean, if you want to transact offeecial business with a strange man. Of course, at present, you have no offeecial business. You are – ah ha! – supernumerary on probation. Quite unique specimen. If you were Asiatic of birth you might be employed right off; but this half-year of leave is to make you de~Englishized, you see? The lama he expects you, because I have demi-offeecially informed him you have passed all your examinations, and will soon obtain Government appointment. Oh ho! You are on acting-allowance, you see: so if you are called upon to help Sons of the Charm mind you jolly-well try. Now I shall say good-bye, my dear fellow, and I hope you – ah – will come out top-side all raight.’

              —Rudyard Kipling, Kim, 1900.

  14. Vic says:

    As if people who go to “fancy” schools read Kipling anymore. Don’t you know that Kipling has long been banned as against the social good, along with Twain, Conrad, Melville, and a host of others because people that are far more sophisticated than us can see all the racism, sexism, and every other -ism that permiate these works?

    And remember when firemen used to put out fires, rather than burn books?

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