Flag Desecration In Every Day Life

We got new credit cards in the mail. Unlike the old ones, which were very neutral, a sort of bluish with some lines on it — and noted a tie-in to a frequent flier program — the new ones instead sport a loud rendition of a portion of a rippling American flag. It is not a nice picture. It looks like a cheap political mailing (and the absence of the tie-in raises the specter that the bank is contemplating ending its role as generator of volume frequent flier miles).

I want to call to complain. My spouse, who is not a US citizen and thus more in fear of Big Brother, argues that it is not wise to call anyone to complain about an American flag.

Thus, today's consumer — financial services provider interaction

Recorded voice: Welcome to {mega card}. To utilize our automated sevices press or say one….please touchtone or say your sixteen digit account number NOW.

[Lots of beeps] Thank you. Press one for…

[Frantic repeated pressing of the “0” key]

Female voice: Welcome to {mega card}. May I have the name on the card please? Thank you. What is your middle initial? What is your code word? No, that's not it. Yes, that's it, thank you. How can I help you?

Me: We received our new credit cards today. They have a picture of the American flag on them. I don't think this is an appropriate use of the American flag. The card will get dirty, it will have stuff run over it, this will amount to flag desecration. It's not right.

Female voice (afer slight delay) : would you like to speak to a supervisor and see what he can do for you?

[minute wait, listening to hold muzak]

Female voice: I have an account executive ready to speak to you.

Male voice: Hello, this is John, what is the problem?

Me: We received our new credit cards today. They have a picture of the American flag on them. I don't think this is an appropriate use of the American flag. The card will get dirty, it will have stuff run over it, it's a form of flag desecration. Can I have one that wouldn't be so offensive?

John: Let me put you on hold.

[Delay of under a minute]

John: We'll address that for you.

Me: What does that mean?

John: We'll get you a new card without the flag picture on it.

Me: Thank you. [Sudden inspiration.] One other thing. How do I dispose of this card? Normally I'd cut it up, but I don't want to do that.

John: (after minuscule pause) You could put it in a safe or other secure location.

Me: If I had a safe. Right. Thank you.

John: Goodbye.

Unfortunately, I forgot to ask about the frequent-flier miles. Do I call back?

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9 Responses to Flag Desecration In Every Day Life

  1. Pingback: The Importance of...

  2. I wonder if enough people called and wrote companies that put the US Flag in imminent danger of desecration that might help get the unpatriotic flag descecration amendment off the table?

  3. Hmm … some newspapers print little flag images next to the death notices of veterans. Would burning these newspapers for trash disposal amount to desecration? Intent would seem to be the determining factor. But someone might want to ask for “clarification” just to be sure.

  4. ej says:

    The latest book of stamps I got have U S flags on them. What if someone runs my envelope through a shredder?

  5. michael says:

    Not to mention postmarking….

  6. Altoid says:

    Not to mention flag logos on jeans, underwear, etc., flag bunting at sporting events, and flag images in all the July 4 sale ads we’re going to be seeing this weekend and next. In my book, commercial use of the flag is desecration and if I had the authority I’d be willing to prosecute. Elementary question, but does this amendment actually define “desecration,” does it leave it up to the high-wattage types in Congress, or is it for individual prosecutors to decide?

    Despite the vagueness, clearly something has to be done. I know we’ve all been horrified at seeing Old Glory go up in flames every time we turn around, why a body can’t hardly escape the epidemic of flaming flags across the nation. Err, a couple of instances more than 30 years ago? All the more urgent, then. Roll the tape back to before Watergate and pretend Nixon’s been in charge all this time. That’ll set America straight, fer sure.

  7. Charles Winder says:

    My last trip to the post office was the same. I asked for stamps, and she showed me the full assortment of star-spangled stickers, to which my response was, “Um, do you have something a little less…I mean, a little more…how about those flowers?”

  8. True Patriot says:

    Hey! You’re all a bunch of unpartiotic liberals, ain’tcha? We gotta protect the flag from the Rooskies– er, um, from the VC– er, um, from them Nazis– er, um, from those nasty Vandals– oh, forget it.

  9. JenCelli says:

    Call me a patriot. I believe in both the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. I believe in freedom and the American way. I also believe in the right to burn the flag if that’s what I choose. Seems to me that anyone that upholds the Constitution is not only patriotic, but certainly more so than the flag waving politcal hacks and poseurs currently underwriting this pathetic amendment.

    —–

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